Anger is one of the most important emotions, and it is perceived as something negative, something that harms and destroys your life. Each of us, at least once in my life, was ashamed and guilty for not being able to restrain anger in time in front of a loved one or a respected person. Sometimes it even caused a break in relations. Therefore, the search for a solution, how to get rid of anger, is relevant for almost every person.
It is not so easy to restrain one’s anger. Like any other strong emotion, it arises spontaneously and is poorly susceptible to conscious control. We must not forget that restraining anger is not always reasonable and useful, as it does not allow you to express your feelings and remove barriers that hinder the achievement of goals. In addition, regular containment of anger leads to pathological activation of the autonomic nervous system, which can be the cause of some diseases. Therefore, with anger do not need to fight, it is better to learn how to use and control it correctly.
What is anger?
In order to get rid of anger, you need to know what kind of feeling.
Anger is a negative emotion directed against the injustice experienced and accompanied by a desire to eliminate it. Anger, you can feel how you “boils up blood”, “burns” the face and muscles strain. Sometimes it’s like a volcano or a hurricane. You feel physical strength, which encourages you to attack the offender. There is so much energy in you that sometimes it seems that you will explode if you do not hit someone. It is from this energy that you feel bold and brave.
Hence the basic meaning of the occurrence of anger is an increase in physical strength to combat obstacles and dangers. Throughout its existence, mankind has repeatedly faced with various threats, and largely thanks to anger, he managed to overcome them. But with the development of civilization, society has created whole institutions that ensure the safety of human life, so the need for anger gradually decreases.
Modern man is still prone to anger and fury, but their manifestation from the point of view of law and morality is almost always condemned (except for cases of protection of oneself and loved ones). Therefore, some people now consider anger rather a hindrance than a positive element of behavior, and are racking their brains over the question of how to get rid of anger forever.
However, from the point of view of psychology, the complete exclusion and suppression of anger is unreasonable, because anger is part of human nature. A person needs to be able to use it for his own good. Perhaps, we rarely find ourselves in a situation of a real physical threat (although sometimes we do, and we would not want to lose our anger in it!). But more and more often we are faced with the need to protect ourselves from psychological pressure. In these situations, the ability to use moderate and controlled anger will be very helpful and will help you defend your rights.
After all, if someone is exerting moral or psychological pressure on you, he must be given a firm and decisive rebuff, and the basis for this rebuff can be moderate anger. Your anger will be useful not only to you, but also to the person who, violating social norms, puts you or someone else in danger.
This does not mean that it is necessary to rebuff every person and in any situation. Having made hostility and aggression the norm of your life, you can face suffering. However, their absence does not at all mean a happy life – rather the opposite. Therefore, it is very important to learn how to control your anger.
Causes of anger
They can be mass, and in order to understand how to get rid of irritability and anger, it is necessary to understand the causes that cause them. Psychologists describe four main groups of causes of anger:
- Restriction of freedom – physical or psychological. An example of the limitation of physical freedom can be the cry and anger of the baby, when the mother holds his hands and does not let them talk. In more adult people, speech is most often about psychological unfreedom – for example, about some rules, restrictions or conventions.
- Presence of obstacles in achieving the goal. When you do something, and suddenly there is an obstacle between you and the target, first of all you get angry, after which you try to overcome it. For example, if you brought documents to an official, and he sits and drinks tea, you will experience anger and try to hand over the documents to him, no matter what.
- Psychological reasons. These can be thoughts about mistakes, insults, injustice, insults. A person can be angry with other people if he considers them to be the cause of his misadventures, as well as circumstances or inanimate objects. For example, a person who has a serious illness, is angry with the fate that “rewarded” him.
- Very unpleasant sensations – strong cold, hunger, pain, dirt, in general, any discomfort. For example, if you spent the whole day hungry, it would not be surprising when you suddenly become angry with your family.
These four main reasons, in essence, are reduced to one – infringement of our ego. Various obstacles prevent us from reaching our goals and satisfying our needs, which in fact are the same thing. It is here that lies the key to controlling your anger.
Practical Anger Management Tips
As a rule, experiencing anger, we perform one of the following list: we try to pull ourselves together and gain control over the situation, somehow attack the object and the cause of anger, or commit some irrational actions.
More often than not, you find yourself in situations where your anger can not be shown, which is why psychological counseling for self-regulation will be helpful. This is especially true if you have uncontrollable outbursts of anger – how to get rid of them?
- Most importantly – understand what makes you angry. If you think that some person is to blame for your misadventures, try to soberly assess whether he did everything he could do to prevent this situation from happening? In most cases, an honest answer is yes. And if not – ask him about it. He may not want, and this is his right, then you can either wait, or try not to have any more business with this person.
- To be angry at some circumstance is ridiculous, because it does not exist objectively. The mechanism is simple: instead of yourself, you address your anger to someone or something else. Try not to be angry, but to think carefully – what can you do to improve the situation and achieve the desired goal? Look at the problem from different angles, and most likely there will be a solution.
- Sometimes we get angry at something or someone, when they seem to us to be something different. For example, we think a person is stupid, and a vase is funny, and that makes us angry. Most often the reason for anger lies in the fact that we do not allow ourselves or others to be such – stupid or ridiculous. Accordingly, the key to managing anger here is the full awareness of what makes you angry, and the mental resolution of the object of anger to be what it is.
- Concentrate on solving the problem, not on finding the guilty. Describe the problem for yourself from all sides, draw up a detailed action plan and periodically check what progress is in its implementation. Try to focus on the mind and logic, and not on feelings of anger and irritation.
- If you want to express anger to the source or object of anger, then express it specifically and in essence. Do not weave past and other people’s stories. Remember that you are scolding a person for his certain act. Only then does your aggression have a chance to remain useful and constructive and not to provoke a retaliatory anger.
- Use humor. Still Sigmund Freud said that humor is a socially acceptable canalizer of aggression. Simply put, experiencing anger, try to joke – even if it is poisonous, and with sarcasm – and you will see how your anger decreases.
- Learn to relax. You need to learn to control your breathing – it must be deep and slow. To enhance relaxation, use visualization – pleasant and calm images – and verbal formulations (“my face relaxes, my hands relax, my torso relaxes, my legs relax.” Focus on the inner sensations-like looking your body from the inside out.
- “Erase” the anger from the muscles. Watch out for yourself – what muscles you are straining when you are angry. If you feel muscular clamps, try to “dissolve” them, as if microscopically twitching these muscles. In this way, you will be free from tension and release the clamped energy.
- Express your anger in space. Sometimes it happens that anger is accumulated and accumulated, and there is no detente. In this case, it must be implemented. You can go somewhere far away and shout loudly. Sports will also be effective, especially if it involves aggression, for example, kickboxing or boxing pear training. If you are touched by a particular person, but there is no way for him to say this – write a letter, read it and burn it.
These are simple answers to the question of how to get rid of anger yourself. Try to implement some of these simple recommendations, and you will see how unnoticed the amount of anger in your life will diminish.
We advise you to read: Irritability and its causes