- What does the science of unequal marriages say
- Features of marriage in which a man is much older than a woman
- If a woman is much older than a spouse
- So is there any place for sincere feelings in unequal marriages
Recently, not only the close relationship between a man and a woman with a significant age difference has become quite frequent, but the number of officially registered unions has also increased. It would seem that the decision about who to marry with is individual, and the fact that this person is much older or younger does not matter much. So or is it? What are the positive and negative aspects of marriage, where the age between partners has a big gap? Is it true that such relations are doomed to fail? And how to save them? These and other issues are often worried about modern society.
It should immediately be noted that marriages with such a difference in age between spouses, like five to seven years, have long ceased to cause surprise. After all, even in the appearance of such spouses it is difficult to understand which of them is older. Modern skin care products, a variety of fitness enthusiasms and a fashion for a healthy diet can work wonders. Therefore, this article is devoted more likely to more significant age disparities in the pair.
The very concept of “unequal marriage” – this is not the prerogative of purely our realities. It is enough only to recall the pre-revolutionary era to make sure that such unions existed at all times. A young girl, fresh and beautiful, and an elderly gallant old man – this is not a fantasy of the artist, but a very frequent phenomenon for aristocratic families of that and even more distant time. So the relatives often “attached” the lack of dowries, and the parents of inexperienced daughters, in the hope of providing them with a good future and preserving the family capital. Therefore, marriages with a large age difference, where the spouse turned out to be much more mature than the spouse, for us are still not something unusual. It’s just a memory of generations.
But marriages, where a woman is significantly older than a man, is already a product of a more modern society. Although such relations in the unofficial format have existed for a long time, but the legal representatives of the fair half of mankind for a long time did not dare to do them. After all, universal condemnation and misunderstanding could destroy even the most infallible reputation of a secular lady, who suddenly became the lawful wife of a young rake. Agree, an interesting interpretation of double morality – a young lover often did not cause negativity and whispering behind his back, and an official relationship with a man of the same age already seemed to violate all existing principles.
And how is the situation now? Oh, a mature woman is quite capable of provoking an increased interest among her relatives, friends, acquaintances, or in a secular get-together with a young man. This will play into her hands, add a reputation for a special charm and simply raise the existing rating. Moreover, such an alliance will make you always keep yourself toned, and often even give a “second youth” next to a young partner, although at a later life can be negative.
What does the science of unequal marriages say?
According to German scientists, a decent age difference between a husband and wife with a margin on the side of the latter substantially shortens the life of a woman. But the duration of the perishable existence of men who have official relations with women younger than them for seven to nine years, on the contrary, increases, in comparison with those of them who are married to their peers. There are a lot of quite acceptable explanations for this.
Studies of this kind were conducted among two million couples. According to the data received, the risk of living less increases among those of the fairer sex whose husbands are either much older or much younger. For example, women who are seven or seventeen years younger than their spouses live ten percent less than those whose age gap with the husband is much shorter.
In the case of wives older than their halves for seven to nine years, the duration of their lives is reduced by almost twenty percent. And if such a difference in the age of the spouses is eleven or thirteen years old, it decreases by almost thirty percent! What can be said about an even larger gap that some couples have? Scientists claim that the cause of this premature mortality among women in unequal marriages is stress.
Thus, the wives of younger husbands are overly concerned about the condemnation of others, and now those who consider such unions are considered immoral. True, this refers to the usual average statistical representatives of the beautiful half of humanity, rather than to “star” individuals. In addition, they are oppressed by thoughts about possible changes on the part of the young spouse, his real or contrived interest in young long-legged coquette, his own inevitable signs of withering, the kind of “mommy” and “son” that sometimes have such pairs.
Such negative emotions contribute to the premature wear of any organism. The bottom line: a young husband is for his wife, much older than his age, a very unfavorable factor if she fails to shake the foundations of society. And they, in principle, are no longer as significant as they used to be. The boundaries of the generally accepted behavioral norms are increasingly leveled, so those relationships that were previously considered almost immoral, now fully meet the spirit of the times, so to speak, are “in the trend.” Business for small: changing the style and way of life abruptly, it is important not to forget to make certain adjustments to your own ideas about what is right and what is not. After all, love with an eye for others is doomed to collapse initially.
Features of marriage in which a man is much older than a woman
Let’s consider a more traditional situation. For today it is far from a rarity, when the husband is older than his wife by fifteen, twenty or thirty years. Quite often there are couples who enter into a legal marriage, where the difference in age between spouses generally seems to be a precipice. According to psychologists, husbands in such unions are looking for a woman who will not suppress their masculine.
Especially such a tendency is characteristic of those representatives of the stronger sex who lived with a very domineering mother or in the past had close relations with an overly active partner. Therefore, the only way out in order to restore or increase their own self-esteem, they consider union with a young or almost young inexperienced girl who will listen to everything and listen to her husband, opening her mouth with delight.
And what in such a marriage awaits a woman? Do not rush to talk about obvious shortcomings, because there are also many positive sides in this alliance. But their availability depends on the mutual readiness of the spouses to seek compromises and, of course, on the sincerity and depth of their feelings. After all, love is a great power, which, when properly used, can both create and destroy. So, first let’s talk about the “pros” of marriages, where a man is older than a woman for fifteen to thirty years.
First, one can not but recognize the undeniable fact that mature husbands are extremely caring fathers. A solid age makes us rethink the past and correctly prioritize the present and the future. A child for such a father is not just a yelling irritant, interfering with sleeping at night and interfering with regular sex with his wife. The baby becomes a symbol of procreation, an heir and a hope.
Secondly, the solid age of the husband speaks about his rich life experience. This will certainly allow him to avoid many mistakes that occurred at a younger age or accompanied by a previous conjugal union. In addition, such men often have authoritative links that can prove very useful to their young companions of life. Therefore, a mature wealthy spouse is a kind of engine for the career of a young wife.
Thirdly, a wife for a much older husband will always remain a “young girl”, even when she turns forty. Such relations ideally should provide to it the sea of trusteeship, trembling care, indulgence to weaknesses and whims. But it all depends on whether the woman is always ready to recognize the authority of the spouse and rely on his will in everything. After all, excessive resistance on her part often provokes the opposite attitude, and then the husband becomes a real tyrant.
It’s not too hard to guess about the reasons that push girls and women into the arms of mature men. At present, no one can force the fairer sex to unequal marital union. However, the circumstances are often stronger than the arguments of the mind. Therefore, strong feelings are quite capable of leveling even a very large difference in age. This, so to speak, marriage at the behest of the heart. But most often such unions are a deliberate, well-weighed and deliberate choice of a young woman.
So, the gentle Cinderella, disappointed in the stupid and not too ambitious young “princes”, decides to entrust her life in the hands of a mature and stony gray of a rich “king”. And the notorious Shamakhanskaya queen, a kind of cunning bitch with rapacious habits, sets a goal to take over the millions of a bachelor old man after his imminent death. This is how these and other fairy-tale subjects are transformed in reality. Agree, they are very cleverly fit into the difficult conditions of modern life.
Therefore, it’s time to say a few words about the obvious “minuses” of marriages, in which the husband is much older than his wife. So, in the relationship often appears as a reasonable, and unreasonable jealousy. In the first case, everything seems very clear and prosaic. A mature husband in a few years turns into an ordinary pensioner with a whole heap of internal and external problems (signs of aging, which are becoming brighter, poor health, loss of male strength, and so on). The young wife is still full of strength and energy, she wants to live “to the fullest” and therefore has a relationship on the side.
But it also happens in a different way. For example, the couple at the dawn of marriage was very harmonious. And the time had absolutely no effect on the woman’s perception of her elderly husband. He is still loved and respected, although he is increasingly looking for an excuse to quarrel on the ground of jealousy. Well, yes, men also tend to doubt themselves and the sincerity of a life partner, even without any apparent reason on her part. It’s just a matter of age and the feelings that the approaching old age is causing. Attempts to blame the wife for infidelity are nothing more than a manifestation of slackness and regret over the irretrievably departed youth. And here everything is in the hands of women. If she manifests an abyss of patience, she will eventually change the situation in a positive way. But often “old grumbling” leads to a painful one for both ruptures.
If a woman is much older than a spouse
Much more difficult from the emotional point of view are the relations of the couple, in which the significant age difference between the spouses has a preponderance on the female side. There are situations when a young man marries a respectable lady, who is fifteen years older than his age. This is not so rare nowadays, not only among representatives of show business and cinema, but also among ordinary people. There are other official relations known that have much more significant age discontinuities. What is the reason for creating such unions? And what is the guarantee of their duration?
Many mature women have a strong maternal instinct. Such is the true essence of the fairer sex – we need to care for someone, love, patronize. And the children have already grown up for a long time or they did not have enough time to find a decent place under the sun, their grandsons do not hurry, they do not have to talk to the dog like a human. So we are looking for an opportunity to grow, educate, teach, and so on. A handsome young man, caught on the way, greedily and faithfully staring into the mouth, listening to the spoken everyday wisdom, is an excellent option for additional self-realization. And he wants to legitimize a pleasant relationship from all sides, so why not?
What is the benefit for a young husband? His companion of life is wise with experience, she will not scandalize because of the nonsense, always help with practical advice and will not demand more money. Such a union can turn out to be quite harmonious and will last for a long time if the woman manages to overcome herself. It happens that wise wives let their young husbands “walk”. They forgive physical treason, hoping that the spouse will sooner or later understand all the advantages of a relationship with a mature woman. And sometimes they fall into the goal: the man who returns to the bosom of the family further appreciates and loves his wise all-knowing wife with new strength. This is the way only an intelligent husband acts.
A fool again goes “left”, thinking that forgiveness from the side of a mature wife and will be provided to him further. Of course, how could she survive without him? And that’s where the main mistake lies. A woman who sincerely fell in love with a young and ardent admirer may be disappointed in him. And then put out without the right to rehabilitation. After all, self-esteem is something without which it is just as difficult as without a family.
By the way, often the creation of such unequal unions is due to simple physiology. Women in adulthood tend to desire fleshly pleasures in the arms of a strong young man. And there is nothing shameful, vulgar or wrong in this. Especially if the lady has a successful career, spends days in abundance, she is abroad, but she is very lonely, and all girlfriends live by long-established married couples in standard “dvuhshkah”, but are happy to share the details of women’s happiness.
She, well, has no luck in creating a stable relationship with her peers for the simple reason that all worthy candidates are either long and firmly married, or are looking for someone more stupid and younger. Therefore, often a young man, an employee or someone else, adequately and profitably brightens up the loneliness of a bored, mature lady, subsequently becoming her husband. So to speak, to envy all.
Agree, the mercantile spirit of young men is known to the world no less than female. Therefore, a rich aging female person can simply become the prey of a “toothy” youngster. But it also happens that a lady who has weight in society and communication, in exchange for a married status to offer her a lot of opportunities for career or creative take-off. On the question of why she needs it and how he endures it, it is not always possible to hear an honest answer. Therefore, one can only guess at the true reasons that lead such pairs. PR, rating, money, sex – whatever.
So is there any place for sincere feelings in unequal marriages?
And what about love? Is this light feeling never illuminates those marital relations in which a woman is much older? No, it happens, but rather as exceptions, rather than rules. Most often, the spiritual side of such marriages is very strange. Imagine a simple situation: a young man lives with a mature wife. And everything is good for them at first glance, there is harmony in bed, there is always something to talk about during dinner, it’s nice to go on holiday to warm countries or buy a tour around Europe on vacation. She can no longer have children, but he does not want and does not plan at all (often only because of age).
But the friends of this couple are different, as he is embarrassed to show his buddies and their young beauties his wife of mature age, and she does not want to once again give rise to gossip in the circle of girlfriends. Here they live – together and at the same time apart. How long will both of them last? Time will judge. Unfortunately, often his ruthless sentence is not in favor of a woman. After all, sooner or later a man will want to have a full family, where there is a dad, a mother, a child and a dog. And if at the heart of his marriage with a mature lady really lay a sincere love, then over the years she was replaced by affection and gratitude. And this is not always a weighty argument to continue the relationship that has become a burden.
Whatever the reasons that prompted a man or woman to marry a man much older, you can draw a few simple conclusions. Doomed are those unions that are based on tyranny, mercantilism and domination of one partner over another. This applies to representatives of both sexes. After all, as a mature man can tear and plague the suspicion of a young wife, and a fully-fledged middle-aged woman can always “get” the young husband’s constant distrust. In addition, we should not stress the apparent superiority in social status and income level. This humiliates the couple and destroys even the most powerful relationship that a couple has. In any case, it is necessary to be prepared for the fact that unequal marriage is a big risk.
But all the same, we should not discount the so-called “prisoners in heaven”. In this case, as if on the ground, there are two halves of a single whole. And age, social status, appearance – all this is crossed out by the depth and sincerity of the flushed feelings. In this case, people easily go against the wishes of relatives, are ready to live in poverty, go to their beloved for the world’s end and all this just for the sake of an overwhelming desire to be together. Such marriages are not terrible for any tests, because the strength of one partner compensates for the weakness of the other. Such ideal relations require young people to have wisdom not in years, but from mature ones – to remain forever young in the soul. Agree, the task is not easy, but some people solve it and find personal happiness for the rest of their lives.
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